It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize