Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
