super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
