I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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