I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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