Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
