its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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