And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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