i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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