The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
