Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
