Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
