Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
