Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
