I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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