if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize