i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
