Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
