Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
