I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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