My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
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I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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