It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
