Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
