My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
