walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
