It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
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there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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