Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
