they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
