Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
