Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
