69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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