i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
A+ Viking dick
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
