Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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