Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
