porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
should my penis look like a turkey
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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