i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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