I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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