this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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