I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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