I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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