Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
