You can't motorboat a personality
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
