I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
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Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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