Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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