im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
