Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
