i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
