careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
