I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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