1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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