Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize