hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
