It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
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i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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