shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
