she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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