This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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