so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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