You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
