I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need to calm my uterus...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
