"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
