we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
