Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
