What did we do last night that was yellow?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
