i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
