so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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