Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I looked at my own cervix.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
