Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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