I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
