I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
