Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
