george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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